Ramblings

This week I sold some stock I was given and got over $1000 to put toward my new car. I endured two trips to the movies with the brat and company. Mostly I endure this by turning up the volume on my ipod as loud as I can bear it, to block out everything. (This week my artist of choice was Josh Groban.) My parents and I went yesterday to a couple car lots and looked at several possible cars, but alas, none were just right. So the hunt continues as our deadline of school starting nears.
Also for the first time yesterday evening I tried for the first time a white chocolate mocha at Starbucks. I really liked it, and I think if they weren't so expensive I would get them a lot.
Yesterday because of the car hunt I spent a considerable amount of time in the car with my mother. Because of this we talked about what she sees her (and our) future as being. Since I have had seizures since I was 23, she seems to be fearful of me having a real job or any semblance of a real life. She has this idea that I should (and want) to live with her forever, but this is simply not true. I have felt for a long time that the Lord has a special purpose for me, one that somehow involves the nation of Israel, the Jewish people and the city of Jerusalem. I also have faith that the Lord has something greater in mind for me than to stay here in GA and live with my mother for the rest of her life! I have faith that the Lord wants more for me than for me to work an idiot retail job or work from home online. Neither would be totally terrible, but I am sure that I could do more with what the Lord has given me than that. I feel like He has given me intelligence and knowledge and wisdom and abilities for a reason, and because of that I don't feel right settling for a menial job, either at home or in public. Most of my resources would be totally wasted in those arenas. I am not totally sure what I should be doing, but I feel a real block in my spirit about those areas, at least right now.
I also believe that there is someone out there that the Lord has created for and meant for me. I have been praying for and believing for him for almost 15 years now. I also believe that the Lord has revealed certain things to me about him and our lives together. Some times I feel overwhelming doubt about him and those things, but last night as I was in a caffeine rush from the mocha yet trying to sleep, I decided to remedy this. I decided to take an action of faith when I feel that doubt, especially by making something for him. Today I am doing my best to knit a yarmulke for him. I don't know how it will turn out.
As I say goodbye and good riddance to the old car this week I am going to list all that is wrong with it one day here. Pray for the Lord to lead us to the right car.